She is Beautiful

I kid you not. I look at her and all I can see is this radiant glow and it is the most beautiful sight I have behold.

A Missing Memory

I have found one of the weaknesses in my memory.

Try as I might, no matter what I do to try and prevent this, I forget my keys. And this isn't the normal where did I place my keys, this the Ack it is raining/I am late/mindless action where I just toss my keys to the side and then the minute I close the door or trunk I turn around in dread.

Thankfully it only happens when my mind is elsewhere but heabajeabas that is still bad.

So now I am stuck at school until my brother comes with his key from Fort Worth and going to class with absolutely no supplies.

Not to mention my low fever and fatigue is getting to me.

ReVisited: Ticking of the Clock

To tell the truth, part of the reason why I took a year too long to get to a Rheumatologist and deal with my disease is because I was resigned to dying.

I may be young but I have completed most of my goals:

I became an Educator and have positively effected some of the younger generation;

I dabbled in Human Medicine and I got certified in Veterinary Medicine;

I've had my heart broken and trampled on but at the same time I experienced life;

I met one of my Soul Mates and we are just the closest platonically, she is my lifelong friend and I have no qualms about the lack of romantic interest;

I have the greatest of friends, even though I am bad at keeping in contact they are always there for me;

I made it past 18 and graduated High School.

I may not have done THAT much but that much of what I have done have been pretty much the bombdiggity, to use slang. So when I was told that I had Rheumatoid Arthritis and that if I didn't do anything to treat it that I would die at a younger age, I felt that it was okay. It would be okay for me to leave because I have reached each of my goals, maybe not to the fullest extent that I wanted but I had reached them all the same. So I went with the flow and let it do to my body whatever it wanted to. Of course I would miss my friends and family but when you feel ready you feel ready...

My clock running out of tick tock with the end in sight.




But...

Then I met someone. I met someone incredible, someone that did not know how amazing and special and spectacular they are. I met someone who didn't just see me, I met someone that wanted to see me and they want to see what I can do. Someone who didn't see me the same way others did.

No matter what anyone says, this person has affected my life in such a big way I don't know if they could ever fully understand the feeling they give me or that I could correctly convey how much they mean to me.

I want to do more than just what I accomplished before, I want to extend those, I want to follow the new pathways that have opened up. I want to conquer this disease.

I want to conquer what could be the greatest obstacle in my life because I now know that even though you may have done some great things in your life if you just hold out a little longer and don't resign something extraordinary will happen. That the moment you find the will to go on is the moment that your path goes from great to Legendary.

They gave me a reason to want to stay longer. They gave me a reason to stick around and see what I can do with them. They gave me hope that if I stuck around, something truly breathtaking and beautiful will happen. I want to show them. I am going to show them just how undeniably gorgeous and brilliant they are. That no matter how badly they might doubt themselves that they are so very incorrect.

I am going to make sure they know that in at least one person's world, they made all the difference. That in my world, they pretty much are what keeps me spinning.

In just a split second of my life, I was rewound.

My clock will go on ticking.

Sometimes it hurts to even breathe, the tension in my bones stressing even further. She doesn't understand.