ReVisited: Ticking of the Clock

To tell the truth, part of the reason why I took a year too long to get to a Rheumatologist and deal with my disease is because I was resigned to dying.

I may be young but I have completed most of my goals:

I became an Educator and have positively effected some of the younger generation;

I dabbled in Human Medicine and I got certified in Veterinary Medicine;

I've had my heart broken and trampled on but at the same time I experienced life;

I met one of my Soul Mates and we are just the closest platonically, she is my lifelong friend and I have no qualms about the lack of romantic interest;

I have the greatest of friends, even though I am bad at keeping in contact they are always there for me;

I made it past 18 and graduated High School.

I may not have done THAT much but that much of what I have done have been pretty much the bombdiggity, to use slang. So when I was told that I had Rheumatoid Arthritis and that if I didn't do anything to treat it that I would die at a younger age, I felt that it was okay. It would be okay for me to leave because I have reached each of my goals, maybe not to the fullest extent that I wanted but I had reached them all the same. So I went with the flow and let it do to my body whatever it wanted to. Of course I would miss my friends and family but when you feel ready you feel ready...

My clock running out of tick tock with the end in sight.




But...

Then I met someone. I met someone incredible, someone that did not know how amazing and special and spectacular they are. I met someone who didn't just see me, I met someone that wanted to see me and they want to see what I can do. Someone who didn't see me the same way others did.

No matter what anyone says, this person has affected my life in such a big way I don't know if they could ever fully understand the feeling they give me or that I could correctly convey how much they mean to me.

I want to do more than just what I accomplished before, I want to extend those, I want to follow the new pathways that have opened up. I want to conquer this disease.

I want to conquer what could be the greatest obstacle in my life because I now know that even though you may have done some great things in your life if you just hold out a little longer and don't resign something extraordinary will happen. That the moment you find the will to go on is the moment that your path goes from great to Legendary.

They gave me a reason to want to stay longer. They gave me a reason to stick around and see what I can do with them. They gave me hope that if I stuck around, something truly breathtaking and beautiful will happen. I want to show them. I am going to show them just how undeniably gorgeous and brilliant they are. That no matter how badly they might doubt themselves that they are so very incorrect.

I am going to make sure they know that in at least one person's world, they made all the difference. That in my world, they pretty much are what keeps me spinning.

In just a split second of my life, I was rewound.

My clock will go on ticking.

Ahhh, I'm excited for October :3

THE LION KING TRILOGY COLLECTION (DIAMOND EDITION)

OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS I'M SO EXCITED FOR THIS.

I've had it pre-ordered since April 27th :3 It's almost here, It's almost here.

I Follow My Dreams.

What about you?

This might sound a little silly, but a good amount of the decisions I make are based on dreams I have. For example, the biggest driving force that lead me through my transfer to Plano West Senior High School was the fact that in one of my dreams, I was leaning against the white board in the Music Theory room watching two of my closest friends play a game during one of Mr. Desoto's Video Game Nights during the Marching Season. I can recall that dream with this accuracy because it happened and I don't regret my decision.

Something That I Want

You know, it's funny.

I have invested a lot of time in waiting for the things that I want. That in the long run, I will have everything that I have ever wanted. But, it was to the point that sometimes I don't have any wants because I tell myself that in the future I will have it.

Right now? I can feel that I want something, and the more I tell myself that it will come in time, and I am extremely sure that it will come in time, the more I want it now...

And it's funny because now that I want something now/soon, I don't know what to do about it.

I guess, this has always been my form procrastination.

But I have a feeling, a strong feeling, that in this time... This time I might be the highest card.

Good Song that tells how I'm feeling.

Being Around

I'm feeling less hopeless now... It's kinda good.

I mean, for the majority, I always feel like I need to do something extravagant and gargantuan in order to impress a girl but for some reason... I don't feel that need. It's nice knowing that I can wait to see if it blooms.

This also extends into how easy I can just melt. Sometimes I don't absorb the words as much as.

Blah, this is kinda horribly written but it'll do for now.

Happy Valentine's Day to All My Readers.

TA: Prom

Last night, I had an interesting intrapersonal thought conversation with myself... Obviously. The topic was the Senior year dance. You might be, that's way too early. But the last time I had this conversation was three years ago during freshmen year, so if you want to complain, complain about that one.

So Prom is "the" Senior Dance. There are no other ones, as least here in Plano, cause technically Homecoming is considered the Junior Dance. And from my observations, from my out-of-county friends, Collin County seems to be the only county where the Prom is a super big deal. My friends in Montana have already gone to Prom their freshmen year, so when I talk to them about Prom they say it's not that big.

Anywho 3 years ago my Prom plan was as such: I'm going to ask Beryl to the Prom. So far it's been Rock Solid. For the past 3 years she has been the only person that I would ever even think about asking to Prom. But only last night, did I think about the other person that I would ask. The part that sucks is, that I probably won't be able to get either, for different reasons.

This would be the part where I'd talk about why I'd ask Beryl, but ya'll have see too much of my writing being about her. So, this time you'll get to hear about this other one...

I lied... You don't get to hear about her now. You'll have to come back later :P

TA: A Question of Cataclysmic Proportions... Maybe XD (Music Related)

Music is my life. Before I picked up my first instrument ever, I would listen to Radio Disney... Non Stop. For Zeus's Sake, I even mentioned how vital Music is to the human spirit in my 2nd Vice President Campaign speech for TSJCL
FaceBook: http://tinyurl.com/lqwuwk
Youtube: http://tinyurl.com/mhygqf
I even whipped out my flute to play. I tried to promote music there.

In 5th grade, on top of the music class we already took. We had to learn to play the Recorder. The Recorder was amazing, it's like a Flute (Clarinet Style) XD. And, I had soo much fun learning it. In fact, I still have my recorder, and play it every now and then. Recently, I learned that they took that out of the Elementary Curriculum, and that made me annoyed. Why would they do that? I mean sure, it cost like what? 40-60 Bucks for the Recorder, but I thought it was totally worth it. I mean just ask anyone, who learned it in 5th Grade.

Then there was that Middle School Visit, where members of the Band/Choir/Orchestra came to talk about each of their groups. And I remember signing up for Band. And on the sheet, it said to list 5 instruments you'd like to play, 1 being Most, 5 Being Least. I literally put Flute for all 5. Like I had that instrument in my mind already. Why? Because. My Favorite Movie. Is The Lion King. And the melody is played by the flute family, and I just remember thinking it was the beautifulest sound I had ever heard. Just like the Timpani part in "Can You Feel The Love Tonight"

And then came The Instrument Tryout days, where we officially "Pick" our instruments. I remember, Mrs. Haas, well the flute instructor and Mrs. Smith, One of the Best Flute Players that I've had the pleasure to direct me in 7th Grade, told me, that my lips were not meant for the flute. Cause every now and then, the raindrop "forms" which means that when I blow air, it'll split into two air streams. But you know what? That doesn't stop me at all. I still picked the flute, despite Mrs. Haas's um... Opinion, and I'm quite a good player. I mean sure if you look at all my band years.

• Top Band 6th Grade


• Symphonic 7th


• Concert Maroon 8th


• Concert 2 9th


• Concert 1 10th


• Symphonic 11th


• Symphonic 12th

You'd think, oh you're not a very good flute player, but, I'm in the bands I want to be in because of Personal Choice. Like if I was to make it into the most prestigious band ever, like say the London Symphony, and it didn't feel right to me. I'd probably quit. I'm not saying their bad or anything, I really like them, but it's to prove my point. I'm in the band I'm in, cause I chose to, none of that skill level nonsense. And preferably, I'd like 5th Chair as well. I mean sure first chair gets all the solo's. But I can win the part to any Solo in my own right.

I personally do thing, because I want to. I was in Concert 2, and everyone from the higher bands would always look down at us and say why we're even in band... Well not all of them, but some did. And you know what? I told them it's cause I like Concert 2. No Question about it, I really enjoyed Concert 2... And it's not cause I was first chair all the time, but, I got to see myself grow as a musician. I personally believe that it's hard to measure your growth once you're at the top. That's just me. I mean yeah, I'm envious of the higher bands cause they get to play the music, but it's not like I can't get a copy to practice. Like the Wind Ensemble Jasper Piece, Vesuvius. I got a copy of that to play. But the best part about Concert 2 are the people. Yeah, they know they're not as good as any of the other players of their instruments, but they know that. Admit that, and work really really hard to improve themselves. It's that kinda thing that makes me happy inside.

Side Note, you shoulda seen me after the Spring Band Results were up in my Sophomore year. Ask anyone who was there, even the directors, and they'd tell you. I broke down. Right then and there, I just yelled and fell to the ground. It wasn't happyness that I got into Concert 1, cause if I wanted to I could. It was the fact that I got out of Concert 2. Like you don't understand, I went into my audition, playing half as good as I should've to try to stay in Concert 2. But, it wasn't soo bad. New memories, but I still prefer'd Concert 2 :P

But my musical experience doesn't end with the Concert Flute. I've had the pleasure of learn, the many types of flutes. But I've also learn'd the Trumpet, Guitar, Bass, Tuba, and Violin albeit I need more practice in them, but I learn'd.

I've also had the honor to play with the Full Orchestra, Chamber and Strings, in their final concert. I enjoyed it a lot, even though I was out of tune for like 2 of the 10 notes I played, but it was good. It was fun and an experience. While watching the Orchestra play, I remember'd something. The reason I enjoyed music so much was because of the energy and emotion you feel from the people who play it. And although you can see that in band, I felt that it was easier to see in the Orchestra. Every stroke, pluck, and whatever else they do, were in synchrony. And my favorite part, is when all the sections divide up. Watching the bow's move in all directions just made me feel at peace. Plus I kinda stared in Awe... Thankfully I was in the way back, so no one could see my little bit of drool :P The directors are great musicians themselves. Mrs. Mabel, the assistant is a previous student under Mrs. Wallace. And I hope next year, I have the chance to join them again. Be it as a flute, guitarist, bassist, or a guest violinist.

I say Guest Violinist, because I'm gonna be starting that back up. Well, it's gonna be a little while. I'm currently planning to make a violin of my own. And that violin will be the one I start again on.

But here comes the bad part. Band. It just takes up to much time... TOO MUCH TIME. Like this summer, although my fault as well, I have zero summer time. Right after Summer School is out. I have Band Related Camps, and then real band camp all August. Yay. And I'm also in Drumline, cause you know I wanted to try something new. Plus, I just didn't really want to march this year. Funny though, it'd be the first year I would be able to march eligible in the flute section.

1. I was in the Saxophone Section cause they needed a spot filled.


2. I was in the Trumpets cause they also needed the spot filled.


3. I was in the flutes yay! But ineligible cause of transfer, so my shadow was a trumpet.


4. This year, I'm a Pit member, and to be honest, it was a fallback for not making Drum Major.

But this is my Senior year. I want to stay a part of band, but I want to try other things. Like have time to pick up the Violin again. And I really really really, want to be in a Theatre Production. The only reasons why I can't, are because of band. Band takes up too much afternoon time. Not to mention that, my mornings are taken up with PALs work since Band works in the Afternoon. It's not really band the problem. It's Marching Band. If I could get rid of that I would.

And to be honest, I don't like football. I really don't. The only reason why I would go to a football game willingly, is to watch my brother play. And I don't even do that... Why? Cause of Band. By the time Band Rehearsal is over, packing up and making sure the room is clean, and I get over to the stadium my brother is play at. His game is already over. And. I know it'd mean the whole world to him, if I came to one of his games, and wasn't busy and rushing. I only tolerate football during marching season because of music. I'm really only there to play music and hype the crowd up. Other than that, I find it pointless.

The main thing to get from the 3 paragraphs above is that, I want to try new things.

And the question is:

Should I quit Band?

Like I said Music is my life. And it's not like I would completely stop playing my instruments if I quit. I have other goals I want to complete before my senior year ends, one being making it into a Theatre Productions.

Plus I won't be completely gone from band. I'll always volunteer to help out at any event, at either Jasper or PWSH, or even PSHS if I have the time.

I think that's enough writing.

The question: Should I quit band?

The Awesomeness that is the PWSH Band

P.S. - Sorry about the Really's