She is Beautiful

I kid you not. I look at her and all I can see is this radiant glow and it is the most beautiful sight I have behold.

ReVisited: Ticking of the Clock

To tell the truth, part of the reason why I took a year too long to get to a Rheumatologist and deal with my disease is because I was resigned to dying.

I may be young but I have completed most of my goals:

I became an Educator and have positively effected some of the younger generation;

I dabbled in Human Medicine and I got certified in Veterinary Medicine;

I've had my heart broken and trampled on but at the same time I experienced life;

I met one of my Soul Mates and we are just the closest platonically, she is my lifelong friend and I have no qualms about the lack of romantic interest;

I have the greatest of friends, even though I am bad at keeping in contact they are always there for me;

I made it past 18 and graduated High School.

I may not have done THAT much but that much of what I have done have been pretty much the bombdiggity, to use slang. So when I was told that I had Rheumatoid Arthritis and that if I didn't do anything to treat it that I would die at a younger age, I felt that it was okay. It would be okay for me to leave because I have reached each of my goals, maybe not to the fullest extent that I wanted but I had reached them all the same. So I went with the flow and let it do to my body whatever it wanted to. Of course I would miss my friends and family but when you feel ready you feel ready...

My clock running out of tick tock with the end in sight.




But...

Then I met someone. I met someone incredible, someone that did not know how amazing and special and spectacular they are. I met someone who didn't just see me, I met someone that wanted to see me and they want to see what I can do. Someone who didn't see me the same way others did.

No matter what anyone says, this person has affected my life in such a big way I don't know if they could ever fully understand the feeling they give me or that I could correctly convey how much they mean to me.

I want to do more than just what I accomplished before, I want to extend those, I want to follow the new pathways that have opened up. I want to conquer this disease.

I want to conquer what could be the greatest obstacle in my life because I now know that even though you may have done some great things in your life if you just hold out a little longer and don't resign something extraordinary will happen. That the moment you find the will to go on is the moment that your path goes from great to Legendary.

They gave me a reason to want to stay longer. They gave me a reason to stick around and see what I can do with them. They gave me hope that if I stuck around, something truly breathtaking and beautiful will happen. I want to show them. I am going to show them just how undeniably gorgeous and brilliant they are. That no matter how badly they might doubt themselves that they are so very incorrect.

I am going to make sure they know that in at least one person's world, they made all the difference. That in my world, they pretty much are what keeps me spinning.

In just a split second of my life, I was rewound.

My clock will go on ticking.

Darn J... ♥ (GIF Heavy)

I think I've Found Her.

Well technically speaking, I've known her for half a year now. :3

Anyway, why write when I can show you through GIF's from my Favorite Movie, brought to you by FuckYeahTheLionKingGifs

 

As Me

As Her

 

At first, deep down, we both felt like this...

We'd hang out...

And then we wouldn't hang out or something came up.

It felt like the Age Old Dance, who likes who? 

Then, something happened, starting in May.

We went on our First Date.

Tested the waters a bit. Until our Second Date.

By the end of our Second Date... I have a feeling I know where we stand.

At least I know how I feel. :3

The night ended like this... so I'm pretty sure she feels it too.

"I've really missed you." "I've missed you too." >///>

To Be Continued.

 Ah, good feelings (:

Something That I Want

You know, it's funny.

I have invested a lot of time in waiting for the things that I want. That in the long run, I will have everything that I have ever wanted. But, it was to the point that sometimes I don't have any wants because I tell myself that in the future I will have it.

Right now? I can feel that I want something, and the more I tell myself that it will come in time, and I am extremely sure that it will come in time, the more I want it now...

And it's funny because now that I want something now/soon, I don't know what to do about it.

I guess, this has always been my form procrastination.

But I have a feeling, a strong feeling, that in this time... This time I might be the highest card.

Good Song that tells how I'm feeling.

Being Around

I'm feeling less hopeless now... It's kinda good.

I mean, for the majority, I always feel like I need to do something extravagant and gargantuan in order to impress a girl but for some reason... I don't feel that need. It's nice knowing that I can wait to see if it blooms.

This also extends into how easy I can just melt. Sometimes I don't absorb the words as much as.

Blah, this is kinda horribly written but it'll do for now.

Happy Valentine's Day to All My Readers.

Some Quotes

You know you're in love when you forget about the one person you thought you'd never get over.

If we are just friends, then tell me, why do I feel like we are much more?

Love is a feeling, a feeling of happiness. Love is powerful, too powerful to play with. This feeling is strange and hard to describe, but when you fall in love, you will know it inside.

To love someone is to understand each other, to laugh together, to smile with your heart and to trust one another. One important thing is to let each other go if you can't do this.

"If you are willing to trust in a person when all others tell you to go against it, if you are willing to risk getting your heart broken because you believe in that other person, Then that is true love."

"...I just don't understand how God would let us meet, if there is no way for us to be together..."
from the movie "City of Angels"

The Broken Clock is a Comfort

First off this is two references... If you get one or both of them, then you deserve some internet points (:

Hahah... funny how I actually write as if people read this.


I am not sad... I am just waiting...

She Makes.

She makes me feel the same way you did, and I'm positive would still do if I ever saw you again.

My weekend's are so plain and boring unless I talk to her. She makes the weekend better... But nowadays it's awkward, because I think I might've messed up and she doesn't talk to me much on the weekends.

During the weekday... She's the highlight of my day (: I look forward to seeing her when I do. No matter what happens, seeing her just makes me feel better inside.

And I'm afraid... Because I don't want my relationship with her to turn out like the one we have... It's scary... It makes me cry...

Songs that Spoke to Me

silky heart
Vocals: Horie Yui
Lyrics: Satomi
Composition: Fujisue Miki
Arrangement: Kawaguchi Keita
My Silky Love, all the while, for 24 hours
My Silky Love, every time when I think of you
My Silky Love, my irritating feelings
My Silky Love, simply overflow
Even though it’s easy to say ‘I love you’
When you come in front of me
My characteristics arise and interfere with me
If it’s the usual, I can go on boldly
Even though that’s my personality
No matter how hard I try, I can’t tear down the wall
I want you to realize…my feelings
So I always send a gaze
Of, “I really love you,” at you
With my greatest courage!
When I met you, I finally noticed
My flimsy silky heart
Even if I was awkward at love
The scar of romance that I almost forgot about
Suddenly started to hurt with a twinge
If I don’t say ‘I love you’ like myself
Someday…I’ll become weaker than I am now
If I say ‘I love you’, then I can be at ease
The truth is, even though I know that
When I sound it out, you seem to leave me
I wonder, what do you think
Of me?
At our current distance we’re merely friends, right?
I just might be whitewashing it
But I don’t want to get hurt, it’s just that alone…
Or so I persuaded myself
And I just ran away
If my flimsy silky heart
Gets hurt this time, then I’m sure
I won’t be able to love anyone ever again
The splitting sound that echoes in my chest
Is at the bottom of my memories, I’m sure
The sewing kit that I forgot to put away
On that day should be around somewhere…
All the while, for 24 hours
My Silky Love, every time when I think of you
My Silky Love, my irritating feelings
My Silky Love, simply overflow
My Silky Love, all the while, for 24 hours
My Silky Love, every time when I think of you
My Silky Love, my irritating feelings
My Silky Love, simply overflow
When I met you, I finally noticed
My flimsy silky heart
Even if I was awkward at love
Even if I were to pretend to be strong on purpose
To hide my weaknesses, I’m sure
That I’ll properly tell you my feelings
And ‘I love you’ like myself someday


Orange
Vocals: Kugimiya Rie, Horie Yui, Kitamura Eri as Aisaka Taiga, Kushieda Minori, Kawashima Ami
Lyrics: Watanabe Akiko
Composition: Funta3
Arrangement: Hashimoto Yukari
On a sleepless night
I sigh all alone
How’s everyone?
I feel kind of lonely
That’s not like me
So stop laughing
It’s just that I don’t know
My true self
Into the broad earth, a single seed
Extended its roots
And bore fruit that was still unripe
The fruit wants to hurry up
And turn orange-colored
Basking in your light
My ideals and dreams only expand
Notice me, hey
I tried to eat
An orange today, too
But it was still sour and I cried
Because it’s unlike me to leave any behind
I ate it all
I loved it; I felt like crying
I loved it; I loved it
Even if they’re similar, they’re different
Mandarins and oranges
Friends and lovers
And our 2 hearts, too
I didn’t want to get hurt
So I fled
When I did that, not even light
Would shine upon me
They’re miracles, right?
Encounters and love
Seeds and buds
Even for the fruit that was still unripe
The color orange makes me recall
The sunset glow that I saw
On that day
It seemed as if our 2 shadows
Held hands together
I wondered if the oranges
Would turn sweet someday
Or would they wither?
I didn’t want to learn of my future
So I ate it all
It was sour…
I loved it, but I felt like crying
I loved it, so I felt like crying
The fruit wants to hurry up
And turn orange-colored
Basking in your light
My ideals and dreams only expand
Notice me, hey
I tried to eat
An orange today, too
But again, it was sour and I cried
Because it’s unlike me to leave any behind
I ate it all; I loved it
I felt like crying; I loved it
I loved it
I loved it; so sour
I felt like crying; I loved it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think these are self explanatory. Why do I feel so depressed today.

Work of a Friend

One Moment, One Person

By Abigail Zandevakili

There'll always be a moment,
that one moment,
where nothing else matters in the world
because a person you're with,
that one person,
is all you're thinking about,
all you care about,
and that one moment
with that one person
pushes all those fears
and weaknesses
and troubles
out the door,
and makes you forget
all the wrong in life
because that one moment,
that one person,
is right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't know what is about Abigail, but for some reason. I just feel like... I don't know. It's as if, all the feelings I've ever wanted to say, she was able to do.

OW: Ticking of the Clock

Two Part... I don't know what it is, it just has to parts.

There. (Tic-kuh Toh----)

In the midst of the rushing crowd of obnoxious high schoolers, he caught a glimpse of her, strawberry blonde hair billowing with the passing wind, blue floral theme dress flowing behind her as she makes her way through a dull blob, her equally theme'd backpack shines through even after being engulfed by the mass, there in lies a brief moment in time, where she crosses his path, and the world slowed down, just enough for their eyes to meet, and in just a sliver of a millisecond, his existence to her was no more...
He stood there as his life walked away.

Still There. (Tick Tock)

Streams of red and blue zip by. Yellow Bow. Orange Signs. Black Suits. Pink Shoes. Green Shirt. White Wall. Brown Car. He is chasing after a memory. He can't exactly remember. His past- fireworks blurring his head. He bumps into something pink/blue in his daze. He notices a smile from the red/yellow head. She grabs his hand and pulls him along...
He smiles as the colors begin to settle.


Ugh... Thats not how I originally wrote the second part. but I don't know. Maybe it'll make more sense if I put the original on here.

He runs through the street. That hustle and bustles with life. Chasing after a girl. He knows her by her dark blonder hair in the crowd of playful colors. A gust appears. Her pink dress stuck to her skin. As time passes he gets closer. His hand grabs her. He stared into her eyes. A smile formed on her lips.
He stood there, smiling as his life came back.

I still kept the main theme for the second half, so I'm quite proud. I myself was getting a headache while writing it.

I don't know what made me write it... but I did. And I find them to be unique, in how they are written.

OW: Seems that I always play the nice guy

Some of you might be confused as to what that means.

Well per say

There's this girl
I've liked her since sophmore year
I didn't have the guts to tell her
So my best friend does

She says that we're like brother and sister
I say that works (as long as I got to spend time with her)
I find out my best friend likes her
Therefore, I hope that it works out for the both of them

Turns out, they did get together.
I felt hurt, but
I was happy
Since I so happen to value someone else's happyness over mine.

Suddenly a problem arose
I transferred to a different school because I knew I would get between them
I love her, with all my heart.
Then they broke up

I would give anything to be with her now
She was the first person I asked to homecoming
She declined saying it wasn't her thing
But thats okay, because we didn't like homecoming

By some connection I knew someone else liked her
Someone I knew
Someone who has strong feelings for her
I finally learn today who it is

Impossible it is for me to see him hurt
So I give him the okay
Since he didn't want to ask someone out when he knows someone else does
But unbeknownst to him, I lied

Because... it
Seems that I always have to play the nice guy
So I sit here wishing that it works out
I wait... because thats all I'm good at.

I'll wait forever if thats what it takes to be with her.


WELL I'm quite sad aren't i?

AM: Recovering Heart

Anyone who's read this knows by now that I haven't asked anyone out because of a promise I made.

And this promise is as stated
"I promise to only ask one girl to be my girlfriend."

Dumb Promise huh?

Well I don't think it is because I've followed it for a long time now.

But I seem to have found two loopholes

Says I can't ask, so if they ask, I am allowed to say yes.
or
I could always ask them to marry me C:

well I guess thats all I have.

Homecoming Night

This was probably one of the best nights I have ever had...... despite getting sick from all the rap.... yes I got sick... not like annoyed sick but like sick sick... =[ But you know I tried to stay in there to be with Miche

So I'll be putting all this stuff in order, along with pictures =D


It's Michelle!!! My date, I usually call her Miche though so if you see it I'm talking about her =]
Doesn't her dress look pretty? And her hair was beautiful.

Right so here we are exchanging Corsages and Boutneers. I notice the discrepancy between the pictures but she got the pictures taken for her the first time and we did mine for a second time.



Here are the pictures of everyone in our group =]

Best picture of the day =]

I don't think it will let me upload anymore pictures so if you want to see the rest, its on my facebook account.

Anywho after the "picture spree" we all hopped into cars and drove out to PF Cheng's.... Bobert forgot his toll tag so we had to fumble for 80 cents.... why we didn't use the service road the first time I don't know.

PF Cheng's is probably one of the most expensive and strangest Asian restaurants I've been too. I mean they dimmed the lights heavily when it got dark outside. I was soo confused about the question that the waiter was asking me... she asked if I would be paying a bill by myself... why she couldn't say that instead of "is this bill seperate" confuses me... Thankfully Chelsea was there to help me in my confusion =]

I got the Wild Alaskan Salmon, I know the most unoriginal asian dish right?
Miche got the Beef and Brocoli, which is always good.

I tried taking pictures but the lighting was soo bad that I either had to use flash or the twilight portrait setting... The other customers would get mad if I used flash and the twilight portrait setting is best used with a tripod because the slightest movement BLURS everything =O

After the dinner we walked over to blockbusters to rent Carey (sp?) and Hostel to watch after the dance.

The dance I must say was most interesting... SO many people were telling me to dance... of course ya'll who know me know that I can't stand rap and it makes me sick because the bass is usually really loud... So for most of the dance I was standing still... Of course they only played one slow song, I wish the DJ played more. My first actual dance with Miche that night, and I really enjoyed it. It was pretty funny when Chelsea came over to fix our positions ><>=[

Anywho my day today was pretty wierd.... I can definitly say I'm sick again... and I haven't been this sick in two years... I mean I took three two hour naps....

Quick Update

Recently last night, I was able to talk with my ex. It has made my day so much better, and I felt a lot better after talking with her.... of course I still love her, but I can't really do anything about it....